MOTIVATED MANKIND

YOUTH DEVELOPMENT | EDUCATION | ENTREPRENEURSHIP

Series: Having A Fruitful Relationship

Dating and Courting

Dating is a period of friendship where you both do things together to help you discover if you can proceed into courtship. Now at that stage, the butterflies is still there and then you get to stage you both know we need to take this further and the further most times you've exhausted the butterflies, but you both realise you are still ready to commit to each other.

Courtship is where we make deliberate choices. Over the period of dating, you must have discovered some things. Now imagine you are to spend 50yrs of your life with that person.

Excerpt:

So maybe we should start with an explanation/definition/understanding of what dating and courtship mean.

Dating is a period of friendship where you both do things together to help you discover if you can proceed into courtship. Now at that stage, the butterflies is still there and then you get to stage you both know we need to take this further and the further most times you've exhausted the butterflies, but you both realise you are still ready to commit to each other.

 

I believe dating is spending quality time with your bae or boo in order to get to know more about each other, and share ur values and interest.

Why do you think the butterflies feeling 'die' with time?

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I learnt that the butterfly feeling or tingling feeling will definitely die....it last for at most 2 years or less.

There are 2 stages of this romantic relationship.
1. The first stage when the butterfly/tingling feeling is still existing that makes u feel like u are in heaven with ur bae or boo.

2. And the Intentional stage where u have to make deliberate choices and commitment to take the relationship further and make it work.

I have gleaned from the things we have said that dating is a time of friendship. It's a time of getting to know each other better.  And it's a phase from which we know if we intend to take the relationship further into courtship.

While it's normal to feel butterflies in our tummies during dating, I have come to learn that they are not all that reliable. We cannot rely on butterfly feelings to push us into courtship or marriage.

What is courtship?
Courtship is where we make deliberate choices. Over the period of dating, you must have discovered some things. Now imagine you are to spend 50yrs of your life with that person. Can you cope? Does your purpose align. Can you submit to him or her? Even when you see other beautiful ladies, do you have this deep sense of God gave me the best that is best for me?

If he or she was stripped of their potentials. Would you still be loving and be there?
Courtship is about making deliberate choices/decisions.

But anyway I basically understand it to be part of a relationship where both parties agree to confirm their compatibility while aiming for marriage.

At the long wrong, marriage is beyond potentials and fame. Can you really give it all up for who that person really is? When you do your background check and discover she is from a divorced or separated home or you discover he is from a home where the father is bad etc. Would you still claim what you have for them.

As we know God has many children. The biblical standard is not to be unequally yoked so anybody in Christ is the will of God. It is now left for us to examine our inner man and see if we can cope with that person. Everybody is not meant for you and also no single person is meant for you. God has so many sons and daughters who are doing great. Our characters differs based on how well we allow the Holy spirit work in us.

I don't pretend to know everything. I try to read books and posts on marriage and relationships, but I have come to learn that it's until you are inside the thing, before you can learn the real lessons.

Growing up, as a young Christian, I honestly thought dating was bad. I thought once I liked/loved someone, then our relationship should lead to marriage.

My first relationship, I was the capital of naivety! No wonder the guy broke up with me after 9 months only. The thing come be like pregnancy.

But over the years, I have come to learn lessons from that relationship. And these are the lessons I have learnt:

Lesson 1: Involve God: We cannot do these things by ourselves. We don't have the wisdom or the grace outside of God to handle the pressures that relationships bring. Always ask God for wisdom. My former relationship I spoke about, I tended to use my little brain to try and figure out everything. But my brain was not sufficient for such a task. Involve God from the very beginning of the relationship. Ask Him for wisdom at every point. Wisdom to handle yourself, your emotions and the other person. Very key!

Lesson 2: Work on yourself: I learnt this lesson the hard way. I went into that relationship thinking I was a good person and that that goodness should be enough for the guy. Being in that relationship made me realise that I had tendencies to be insecure, jealous, selfish, immature, quickly angered, sometimes foolish sef and so many other negative traits.

Over the years, I have been working on myself by God's grace. I have had to learn to be patient, to put the other person first, to stop being presumptuous or quick to judge. I have come to realise that no matter my good intentions, if I don't work on myself, men will run away from me. It's not been particularly easy, but it's been worth it.

Lesson 3: Have a Merry heart: Oh, how this is for me! In my former relationship, any little quarrel was an opportunity for me to pout and display childish anger.  I liked it when the other party would beg me. However I have come to realise something about men... They can beg you initially, but after sometime, omo, you're on your own. All those begging will stop. Infact, when I was angry then, my ex would turn the anger on me ehn that before I knew it, I'd be the one begging him. I have come to realise that having a Merry heart breathes life into a relationship each day!  No matter the other person does or does not do. No matter how you're feeling sef...be merry, be joyful. It will help give you peace and help make your relationship peaceful.

Lesson 4: Lower your expectations: Some of us are looking for a man that is tall, dark and handsome, Holy Ghost filled and Naira loaded! Some guys are looking for a lady with legs as straight as Abuja roads, fair as the sun, not too slim and not too fat, Infact ehn, I can imagine God smiling and shaking His head when we present our wish list for a  spouse to Him. I have learnt to lower my expectations in my partner. I shouldn't expect him to be able to satisfy my every desire. Only Jesus can do that for me! Unhealthy expectations destroy relationships. Some men want their women to be able to cook, wash, clean and do so many things. I ask people, so if a woman can't cook, does it mean she can't make a good wife? Or if a man came change a light bulb or a car tyre, does he mean he won't make a good husband? You can lower your expectations without lowering your standards!

That man/that woman, might not have all you're looking for in a spouse. But ask yourself...is he/she a good person? Is he/she a lover of God? Does he/she love you? Does he/she respect you? Does he/she have a vision? My brother/sister, if he/she does, abeg carry your 'kaya' and be going. Many men/women are looking for someone like your partner. Cherish them!  Don't be like Adekunle Gold who said 'the grass is greener on the other side, that's what I thought before I took the ride...' I hope we know the song 'Ire' by Adekunle Gold?

Lesson 5: Pray, Pray and when you don't know what to do, pray again: Chai! the hardest time to pray for your partner is when you're angry with that person. Have you noticed? It's so hard! But that's when you should even intensify the prayers. Pray everytime and everywhere. Pray for God's wisdom for your relationship. Pray for your partner when he annoys you. Take his/her matter to God. Report him/her to God. Let's not allow the devil get an entry into our relationships.  I keep a prayer journal today, where I write prayers for myself and my ‘bobo’. I speak words of faith into his life! I call those things that be not as though they were. We can make our partners the things we want them to be on the altar of prayer. Pray when you don't feel like it, pray about your in-laws to be, pray about how you want your marriage to be, pray about how you want your husband/wife to be. Sha be praying sha...


Before I go, let me share that we need to also be content with who God has blessed us with. That man/woman might not look like it now. But trust God, trust the process and believe in your partner. Encourage him/her to greatness. With you by his/her side, he/she will develop wings and soar!

COLLAPSE

Love and Family

Love is very sweet and interesting if it is 50 50.true love actually exist.
Love is very important in a family because that's what keeps the family together and creates a good relationship.
This is really very important because it is the backbone of a successful home.
We have families with true love as a foundation. This creates an avenue for opportunities, peace and unity, healthy minds etc.
Money or wealth is not the ultimate in a family, but love and understand in creates a vital roles.

What are the cause of unhappiness in a family?
We have lack of trust, support, respect or love.
We should try as much as possible to respect each other and there should be trust  between us in order to keep a good family.
In my family, we pray and practice love.

Excerpt:

Love is the feeling that a person's happiness is very important to you  and the way you show this feeling in your behaviour towards them.
Family Is a group consisting of two parents and their parents living together as a unit. It is also a descendant of a common ancestor.
To have a family means to feel secure to have  someone whom you can count on, who shares your problem.
Love should be deep affection that grows from good knowledge of who the other person is.
Love is very sweet and interesting if it is 50 50.true love actually exist.
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>Love is very important in a family because that's what keeps the family together and creates a good relationship.
This is really very important because it is the backbone of a successful home.
We have families with true love as a foundation. This creates an avenue for opportunities, peace and unity, healthy minds etc.
Money or wealth is not the ultimate in a family, but love and understand in creates a vital roles.

What are the cause of unhappiness in a family?
We have lack of trust, support, respect or love.
We should try as much as possible to respect each other and there should be trust  between us in order to keep a good family.
In my family, we pray and practice love.
I have been married for 21 years now and love kept us moving.
Lack of Respect and understanding, Placing quest for riches and stuffs ahead of those in the family, Disloyalty, Selfishness, Laziness are also causes of unhappiness in a family.

True love is respect. When there is no respect, true love is absent. I feel you respect whom you love.
In the holy Bible in the book of 1 Cor 13 v 13 says you may be able to move mountains or have faith but the greatest in love.

Questions:

Is it right for a father or mother to have favourite child Or How can one manage a family even when you have favourite in the family?

Answer:

It is not good for parents to have favourite kids because it breed's division and jealousy and can cause hatred in their midst.
You also pretend and never make your favourite known.

Question:

Is it possible to love all Children equally without having a favorite, an example is Joseph in the bible?

Because a child's good behavior who is well obedient and hard-working can find favour before the parent and be loved more than other siblings.

Answer:

Very possible. I am an example. I don't have a best child. I play and talk to them equally and I keep everyone s secret for them. I am a confidant to them all.

You are correct but still bring the disobedient child closer too and he will become good someday.

Question:

Do all your children obey your preaching and take your advice? If not how do you handle, if any refuses to take your advice what do you do?

Answer:

No. They don't sometimes. I am a friendly mum. When they disobey, I get angry, talk to them, I sometimes quarrel with them and after a minutes we are settled again and they apologise. One important  rule I laid in my family, no malice after seconds.

A child that grows up with love from both parents develops full potentials in decision making, confidence, empathy, leadership etc....

Motherly role is important. Mothers makes her kids positively or negatively.

I decree on my kids immediately they are born,  brought four of them together when they were tender by joining there hands and I decree God's love and unity in there mist and I prayed that no man, no husband, no wives will scatter them in future. I think the love is keeping them. I did the prayers about 14 years ago.

COLLAPSE

Love and Lust

Lust is also an affection discharge unlawfully.
Lust is wrong exhibition of Love, just like wrong usage of drug.

When you love, you show affection and when you lust you show affection too. But the intention, process and end result are 3 significant factors that help to solve the mixing up of Love & Lust.

Excerpt:

Many time in my life, I have seen many young ladies and look forward to marry them.  sometimes, there was a sister I so much had feelings to marry even at that teen age. Little did I know that the sister senior me by far.

She had 3 children already before I got married. Meaning that she got married 10 years before mine.

In fact, she was my ‘Alaga’ on my own wedding day. This true life story of mine is one of the experience that opened my eyes to tonight's topic many few ago.

The definition of Love is generally known and naturally identify as an affection. Of course Lust is also an affection.

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Let me quickly go straight to tell us that 95% of natural man are in lust not in love.

I know you will be surprised.

I will explain better.
Here this truth again…
Do you know that new wedded couple on their wedding day have 3 thinking…
Either/both newly wedded couple would be thinking of:
1. Long awaited sexual intercourse... Special assignment that must not be carried over
2. Either/both will be lusting after another lady/guy whom either may seem more pretty/handsome etc.
3. I believe we can keep this till next time.

This is where I am going. Love is an affection discharge on truth and lawfully. I have more than 2 cases...

That doesn't say they are not married. It's a stage of conflict of interest.
Lust is also an affection discharge unlawfully.
Lust is wrong exhibition of Love, just like wrong usage of drug.
Let me quickly give few things that show that one is in lust.

  1. when such focuses much physical body of the opposite sex.
  2. when such is too much interested in sex.
  3. when the relationship relies on fantasy.
  4. when the relationship engages too much secretive activities.

All these are few signs of Lust.

How can you show affection to your partner that you love without lusting?
I was surprised the very day I heard this too. But it did happened. Even as I am married now, many times I have seen a lady and looked at her before I know what is happening... Man's heart is a battlefield that is why we need God's words to fill it on daily basis.
Just continue being good without exhibiting selfish interest. Keep whatever negative things away and do the right things. Never allow that to get into your head or both may found yourself in mess.
Of course yes. That is the challenge now.
The truth is that there are pointers that shows lust. I will say authoritatively that Lust is just a wrong intention of love disposition.

When you love, you show affection and when you lust you show affection too. But the intention, process and end result are 3 significant factors that help to solve the mixing up of Love & Lust.

Beloveth, you can measure such with these 3 earlier mentioned cogent factors
1. Intention
2. Process
3. End result

Intention: Another thing you can't do away when discussing these Tom & Jerry is Relationship. They both engage relationship of twos. What is in mind of them or either? Objective answer to this question will place the person in either Tom family or Jerry family.

Process: Are both ready to take the relationship through objective, rightful and lawful lane? If it is true love relationship and it's expected to lead to marriage, will be bold to meet my parents? Will you wait for till I complete my academic or both agree to go into.

Many jump the right process and are ignorant claiming they are in love...till they found themselves in mess. My people shine your eyes and heart.

End result: entails if the relationship is sustained and able to discharge faithful responsibilities.

If it is not lust, the originality will still be intact. But if it was lust, the original will revealed his true fake.

The result will manifest original intention of either lover. This cut across all forms relationships.

Conclusively, Love and Lust are Siamese twins but on parallel line that cannot meet. So far that they face same direction does not mean they are going to same destination. Neither do they carry same intention, nor follow same process. Of course, they emerged with different result.

COLLAPSE

My advice is that whatever relationship you continue loving people but guide your love with deep knowledge of the words of God. Do away with sentiment and try as much as possible to always define any relationship you find yourself; friendship, courtship and so on.

Don't forget, always love without any mischief.

Question:
What's the difference between romance and lust?

Answer:
Romance is an action or expression to activate sexual desire. In other words, it is sensual physical/bony exercise to arouse sexual hormones mostly between opposite sex. It become lust if it wrongly and unlawfully expressed.

Love and Sex

We have various types of love which I might not want to bore us with.
love is a feeling that has to do with our emotions.
What then is sex?
Sex means Sexual Intercourse.

The truth is that we can't afford to be shy if we want to discuss this matter extensively. Sex means Sexual interaction, usually involving vaginal and/or anal and/or oral penetration, between at least two organisms.

Excerpt:

It is originally meant to between between husband and wife....but today we have lots of perverse definition.

From this definition which is correct but I will still explain more we can see that a person doesn't have sex with himself.

We can also see that sex was indeed created by the creator.

Sex is a process that involves the coming together of two people to share Intimacy with their genitals.

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Sex is supposed to be between two opposite sex but we discover recently that it is not so. If it doesn't involve the genitals it can't be called sex. It therefore means that the manhood and the womanhood must be involved.

Why are we talking about love and sex?

Let me give you a sneak peek about my life.

Growing up was amazing, I remembered the first boyfriend I had. The reason why we kissed was because of his friends.

Who teased him and said he wasn't man enough to do it.

What we want to establish as I am trusting that the creator will help me is to explain why we shouldn't go into sex before marriage.

Do you know that having sex at the wrong time can destroy the purpose of a man.

Now I understand that we have people from different religion on this platform but be it as it may there is no religion that support having sex before the bride price is paid.

If our creator in all His wisdom can say no to a thing do you think that doing it is profitable?

Let's leave our religion out. Does our culture support having multiple sex partners before marriage?

So why should we be involved in what our culture also frowns at. Do you also realized that sex has the tendency of cutting the life of a person short?

I was told and I hope the information is true that what joins the right brain and the left brain together is a portion called CEREBRUM.

What this cerebrum does is to ensure that the right brain does what it is expected to do so also the left brain. Many people use this cerebrum for pornography, sex, etc, that cerebrum can do much more than you think of.

So what is in our brain that ought to make us think, dream about our purpose is use to produced orgasm and sperm.

So even your body doesn't also appreciate sex outside marriage.

Now I know that most of us involved in it loves sex. We don't need to be shy about it.

But I am sure that many of us know that it isn't good to have sex if we aren't married.

I don't want you to see me like I am preaching like a saint. It took the grace of the creator to stop.

And guess what?

There is a major difference in my life now and when I was involved in it. I think I have tasted both sides and I see the difference.

I feel when the purpose a thing is not known,abuse is inevitable.The essence of a relationship is to end in a relationship.

Unfortunately many people just enter into it for wrong reasons and end up with sex before marriage since there is no defined direction

I believe women can stay longer without having  sex than men.

Question :

  1. Are you trying to say that those who refrain from sex even at marriage tends to live longer?

Answer:

This has to do with self discipline. It also has a lot to do with how the body has been trained.

Although I must also state clearly here that men fall Into this temptation because they are aroused by what they see why a lady is moved by what she hears

What does this implies?

If a lady doesn't hear sweet words for 5 years she might not be aroused and if a guy doesn't see an arousing subject he might not be aroused.

80 percent of youth are into sex game, some Married men are not helping issues as they are involved in such practices with our youth. This is really bad.

When you are married, your mind and brain is already relaxed because you have sex at your disposal.

You don't need to pretend about it

Your psychological being is calm and you even become more productive than in your single years.


Sex among couples apart from boosting bond in couples. It's increases one's lifespan. Sex boosts one's health as well as longevity. Many doctors and health professionals encourage it among couples to live longer.

Please I would  want to lay emphasis that whenever I use the word sex in its negative form, it is when a person is not married.

Sex is good

Sex is a beautiful thing

The point at which you climax or reach organsm is one of the wonderful experience you can ever have in this world.

But it must be done in the confine of marriage where the creator is very pleased with you.

Love is not feeling

Love is more than feeling.

Love is a personality that has a feeling and an attributes.

1Cor.13:1-8 enumerate the attributes of Love

Though Love means different thing to several people based on their values, interest and personality.

There are several kinds of Love.
1. Agape Love: this is the sacrificial and unconditional love. The God's kind of love.
2. Phileo Love: this is the friendship kind of love, where you love someone because they are like minds and you share similar interests.
3. Storge Love: this is the natural love or affection found in blood related family such as Mother to child, father to child, brother to sister and vice versa.
4. Eros Love: this is the romantic, passionate, sexual or erotic love.

When we are discussing Love and Sex we refer to the Erotic love, because...

One can't feel like having sex with the opposite sex just because of agape love, Phileo love or Storge love, but because of Eros Love.

Some have defined love has choice because you can choose to love someone or not to love someone.

 

Many have also confused Love for Infatuation or Lust or Attraction (Crush).

Many young people feels love is a feeling. The reason why it is not just a feeling is because Crush and Lust are also feeling too. And they are normal.

Many young people who have this feelings think they love the person and make a decision based on that and later get disappointed.

The difference between Love and Lust is that

Love grows with time, while Lust dies with time.

Love is after what it can give while Lust is after what it can get.

Love is patient while Lust is not.

Love is sacrificial while Lust is selfish.

There are more...

You can always know if someone truly loves you from this attributes of love.

Our focus on love and sex is centralized on erotic love which has been said above to be Eros love.

Question:

Since Love is not sex, why do some people require sex as a proof of love?

Answer:

Well, sex involves one using the most intimate and private part of the body. It is perceived by many that the hallmark of love is to allow one's partner access to this parts. And at this point, there seems to be little or nothing to hide again. This is the ideology of many. "If you love me, give me your body". However, it's been flawed too many times. So we all know it is NOT absolutely correct.

I have been asked this question so many times and I have come to realize that it can be because of the following reasons

1) Lack of understanding of what love really is
2) misunderstanding of one's purpose in life
3) Lust to be assumed to be Love
4) misappropriation of priority
5) lack of knowledge ( remember the only thing  that can cheat us in life is what we have no knowledge of because knowledge is power)
6) anxiety to experience sex
7) just for the fun of it


Remember I said love is a feeling, and the people involved might just want to be involved sexually to cement that feeling which is absolutely wrong if they are not yet married. It is absolutely wrong if not married.

It is also assumed that once sex is involved, there won't be secrets among them again.
Our parent have been married for so many years yet some of them keep secrets from each other.
I would also want to state clearly here that God is not against sex.
But it must be done in the confine of marriage.

 

COLLAPSE

Question:

Why is premarital sex wrong?


Answer:

It is wrong for so many reasons. I would try as much as I can to summarize it.

1) It clot your judgement
2) It clots your reasoning
3) It weakens you
4) you become biased in decision taken
5) you start carrying burdens that naturally wouldn't have been yours if you didn't involve in sex
6) if you are not careful it can limit your growth
7) there is no security with the person you are having that sex with that you will end up being married together
8) you begin to build soul ties where it is really not needed
9) uncertainty comes in
10) you can't fly high as you ought to do because distraction has set in.

Love for God 2

Islam in one sense is different from some other major religions of the world. The picture of God that has been depicted in Quran, as we Muslims all believe, is a combination of love toward good people and aversion toward bad people.

This has been repeated in at least 40 verses of holy Quran with a clear definition for good people and bad people.

Excerpt:

Over time, I have come to realize that there's a lot more to being than what meets the eye. As a neuroscientist, studying the structure and function of the nervous system has made me appreciate and to totally concur that there's a supernatural being that controls my very existence.

There are millions of cell in the brain, each with a specific function and attached to different circuitry such that a small disconnection or the tiniest damage to this intricate connection will be very devastating.

So, I wonder, how's anyone able to come up with this perfect design that is able to allow me and function optimally in our day to day activity. Who ever this designer is, he is nod ordinary.

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The designer, God, is an entity we may never be able to completely phantom but looking at nature of our very existence, you can't deny his existence.

As a Muslim, the very first act as a believer is taking up the first Pillar of Islam (sha'ada) which is believing in the existence and oneness of God.
But how can you believe what you don't love?
How can you believe what you don't see?
It's pretty much a hard thing to do at first but if read through the holy books, there it become a lot more clearer.
Quran, Chapter 3, Verses 31 and 32:

“Say: if you love God, then follow me, God will love you and forgive you your faults, and God is forgiving, merciful”
“Say: obey God and the messenger; but if they turn back, then surely God does not love the unbelievers”.

Islam in one sense is different from some other major religions of the world. The picture of God that has been depicted in Quran, as we Muslims all believe, is a combination of love toward good people and aversion toward bad people.

This has been repeated in at least 40 verses of holy Quran with a clear definition for good people and bad people.

This article aims to distinguish between these two groups based on Quranic verses and clarify the image of people whom God loves.

As mentioned in above two verses, the first step is to follow the path that has been shown to us by God’s messenger. This is the most beautiful picture that one can demonstrate as a mutual love. If you do love your God, you are therefore prompted to follow the path that has been shown to you and prepare yourself to receive more of His love and favour.

This may need a little bit more clarification on the definition of right path and people who are to be loved by God. Perhaps the most distinguished characteristic for these people which has been mentioned in 5 verses of Quran (2:195, 3:134, 3:148, 5:13 and 5:93) is to do good to others.

Doing good could be helping poor people, supporting orphans or even respecting one’s parents which have been also mentioned in various verses of Quran.

Others, based on Quran, are people who:
guard themselves against sin  (3:76, 9:4, 9:7)
judge fairly (5:42, 49:9, 60:8)
fight in God’s way (61:4)
purify themselves (2:222, 9:108)
turn much to God (2:222)
trust in God (3:159)
and are patient (3:146).
In conclusion, the only way to love God is to live in accordance to His teachings in the Holy books. It is then and only then that we will experience  God's love.

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."  - 1 John 4 : 7 - 8

In one of my teachings on how to be successful, I often list three condiments
1. Determination
2. Hard work
3. Trust in God
I personally believe that once your have God as your primer in all you do, you are sure to succeed.

COLLAPSE

Love and Purpose

Love is a beautiful thing but never forget that you were made to do more than fall in love, get married and have babies. Those are all blessings from God but there is MORE. So much MORE and you can only experience MORE when you hold on to your purpose even when love comes calling.

Excerpt:

To start off I'd like to tell you a story (I love stories). The story goes thus: There was a girl who loved books more than she loved boys. This girl would write down the grades that she wanted to get at the start of every semester.

I used to see this girl writing on her notebooks "books before boys" This girl had ambition ! She wanted to graduate with a first class from her department. Something that had not happened for more than two decades.

She was driven by this one goal for the first two years in the university, winning "best performing student" and getting monetary prizes.

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By her third year though, a boy discovered her deep in her nerdiness. This boy could not understand why she had to study so much. He was always after both of them to go somewhere and have fun. She tried this for a few months before realizing that the boy and her were complete opposites and that sometimes opposites do not go well together. ..

By the time she ended things with him, the harm had already been done. Her grades had dipped a bit in the semester that “love” found her, so she could not make a first class like she had dreamed of.

I’d like to tell you another story… There was one young lady who was dissatisfied with how her minority tribe got sidelined again and again. She was determined to become an expert in her field so that her family name and her entire tribe would be a reference point.

Right after her M.SC programme, she wrote her PHD thesis and applied for PHD and God blessed her with an acceptance into a top university overseas.

She wanted to write academic journals that would not only add value to humanity, but would also be referenced by other scholars, thus immortalizing her family name. In fact, she told me that she would keep her family name in her writings instead of taking her husband’s name.

In the middle of making preparations for her scholastic journey, “love” came barreling down on her. Before you could blink, she forgot that she had wanted to get a PHD the way a desert wanted rain. She forgot that in her plans for her life, PHD was supposed to be center stage for the next few years.

I saw this girl abandon all her life’s plans for the fervor of a new love.   Suddenly all she wanted to do was marry this man that had stolen her heart. She did not ask herself why she was so quick to throw away her dreams for someone else.

To cut a long story short, the relationship ended some months later. By then it was too late, she had missed the funding for her PHD since she had not applied on time. She tried to defer the admission but the elite school did not grant that. In fact, her broken relationship did not just shatter her heart, it had killed her dreams too.

I’d like to tell you something else: The girl in both stories is ME! Yes you read right! ME! Love has derailed me more than once and this makes me the perfect person to be on this platform tonight to tell you : “Know your purpose so well that NOTHING can sway you from it”- Uyu Darling Ita. Yes that is my quote so be sure to quote me!

Anyway back to love and purpose… love is the most powerful force on earth. King Solomon wisely said that it is more powerful than death. This is why we must not allow love to sweep us away like a tidal flood because the devastation can be irrecoverable when it finally gets calm again.

In fact there is a saying that after your decision to follow Christ, the choice of the person to walk through life with is the next biggest decision in your life. In fact it directly affects everything about you: Your finances, Your well being, Your quality of life, the realization of your dreams and sometimes even your lifespan.

There is a  reason why there is “courtship” in a Christian union. It is during this phase that you should learn all that you can about your intended, particularly how well they fit into YOUR purpose. Do they see the future the way you do?

How will they help you achieve your dreams? Are they a blessing to your life and your future? As you pray and seek God’s face concerning your intended, do not ignore all the signs that show you that they are not going to be catalysts for your purpose.

I know some of you may be wondering “what is this purpose that she keeps talking about?” I think that is a subject for another day, if you are still unsure of what yours may be.

Back to my story though, no I did not make first class but by God’s grace I did make a distinction in a top ten UK University so I got another chance to do some things over. Also I realized that I did not need to have a PHD to immortalize my family name.

My books will do that. My presence on platforms just like this will do that. Again I got a second chance but don’t gamble on your purpose because sometimes you only get one shot.

In closing, always remember that you are WHOLE just the way you are. You do not need anyone to “complete” you. God does not leave things halfway done. The quicker you come to this realization, the sooner you will stop dumping your dreams on the sidewalk to jump on the love train. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about.

Love is a beautiful thing but never forget that you were made to do more than fall in love, get married and have babies. Those are all blessings from God but there is MORE. So much MORE and you can only experience MORE when you hold on to your purpose even when love comes calling.

I’d like to stop here tonight but before I go, get my novel here so you can see one woman’s journey in the rough road of love    http://bit.ly/AChanceAwakeningEbook7

COLLAPSE

Love for God

Love itself is something inexplorable due to its robust and deep nature.
Some has defined Love as God Himself. Perhaps because of the unfathomable quality they share.

But I wanna assume we all believe we have only one true God, The God Almighty. Now, how can humans (with flesh and blood) love God who is spirit?

Let me quickly tell us that humans are first spiritual in nature before physical. We have the Spirit, The Soul and the Body. Each with distinct functions.

With our spirit we can connect to the realm where God dwells...The Spirit realm.

Now let us quickly bring to light a scriptural verse...Matthew 6:24

KJV: No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Excerpt:

Love itself is something inexplorable due to its robust and deep nature.
Some has defined Love as God Himself. Perhaps because of the unfathomable quality they share.

If God is Love, Mathematically, God is God.

Hence this topic can be… God for God.

Well, we'll come back fully to that. Let's quickly make love our focus.

Mr. Ismail did justice to the topic by emphasizing that humans need to be at constant acknowledgment of the God factor

READ MORE

I'll just be emphasizing that too.

Love for God…

Let me ask us a simple question by way of introduction...

What made you go  to work today?

Why exactly did you go through all those stress?

Why wouldn't you just sit at home all day?

Now I seen to know the reason... It is not because you so love your boss.

It is not because you love to explore. It can never be because you  love seeing the face of your colleagues at work. I wish someone can be sincere enough to tell me why.

You see...there is a drive. There is a reason why people kill.

I just moved to a place where the majority resident youth does Yahoo as a profession (yahoo plus+ is an advantage).

I heard of a particular young guy who would just start barking like a bull dog for almost an hour. He would so do it that his voice would be gone after the whole barking.

Then after it's gone, he'll begin to receive alerts upon alerts...

I witnessed an ugly one myself...

I was around the market when I observed this handsome looking guy who started to pull of his clothes... He did till he was stark naked at the market square...

Then, he took his hand to his buttocks and started defecating on his own hand.

This is what I saw myself. People were crying for him but those who understands were clapping for him for the great show he just out up.

They know his money is on the way. Why am I talking about money when I should just talk about God and get out of here?

There seem to be a big matter looming ahead. I wish I had time to explore a bit the subject of God.

But I wanna assume we all believe we have only one true God, The God Almighty. Now, how can humans (with flesh and blood) love God who is spirit?

Let me quickly tell us that humans are first spiritual in nature before physical. We have the Spirit, The Soul and the Body. Each with distinct functions.

With our spirit we can connect to the realm where God dwells...The Spirit realm.

Now let us quickly bring to light a scriptural verse...Matthew 6:24

KJV: No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

ESV:“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

NIV:“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

AMP:No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stand by and be devoted to the one and despise and be against the other. You cannot serve God and mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions, or whatever is trusted in.

No one can be a slave of two masters, he will either love one and hate the other or be loyal to one and despise the other, you cannot serve both God and money

Quickly, here are some key words...

*Serve

*Masters

*God

*Mammon

*Love

*Despise

It says, No man Can Serve Two Masters... Who are these two Superior beings? 

God and Money (Mammon).

Can you imagine Money being placed on the same pedestal as God?
.
That's a serious matter… So God himself acknowledged Money to be a Master. I just really wish I could help us understand this and just rest. But we must just press this matter a bit further.

Can you remember the story of those guys I told you initially... The yahoo+ guys?

I really commend them for something. For now, I don't wanna see them as wrongdoers...

Leave me, allow me commend them. I want to commend their confidence and bravery act. I wanna commend the fact that they didn't care about public opinion...

They forgot about their esteem. They didn't even care if their videos and pictures will be shared on any social media. The were desperate.

They were fearless… They knew what they wanted. They went for it.

Because they knew that if they had it, people will soon forget about their shames and focus on their riches.

When you see a young man who love God, he wouldn't care if ladies are looking at him or not before obeying his inner promptings to tell someone about Jesus.

That apart... The love for God is contagious!
It’s like fire. Just like the Yahoo guys, when this thing becomes a reality in you, you will be so in love that you wouldn't hear people calling you Jesus' Freak.

When you see someone loves God, he doesn't joke with his secret place of fellowship with God. You see, there is something very common amidst some folks...

They'll say… "well I know I love God. Besides relationship with God is personal... God sees my heart and bla bla bla".

I wonder how they didn't know that the inner quality of a fruit is made manifested externally.

If you genuinely love God, everyone around you will know. Not even because you are carrying a big KJV Bible under your arms and sweating Jesus is Lord through the streets.

It is called an Aura. It is feelable! Smellable! Touchable! Visible!

A man who loves God is even known by the words of his prayers.

He doesn't pray for God to give me shoes, give me cars, give me clothes...gimme gimme gimme....

Lord, what can I do for you?

"Lord, i actually don't have much to say, I just wanna listen to you speak to me.

"God, I observed its been a while I sang genuinely for you, so today, I wanna just worship you instead of sleeping. This thing can't be faked.

It's a pity that many things have been diluted... I was on a bus from Oshodi and as someone stood up to preach, I heard the kids beside me hissed and said "I hate this people"

Well, I didn't just jump into conclusion, I took my time to engage them in a discussion and i realized they are Christians who go to church even...

Well, this is a topic we can't explore in its volume as said earlier...

While I round up, can I ask that we just do a heart check. This isn't an oratory show or something. God's love isn't just to be talked about but to be experienced.

Do you still love God?

Is something else taking over?

Do you find praying too burdensome?

Has your bible study habit become buried?

Then...something is wrong, or perhaps you've known God before now but gone back due to life's pressures and pleasures...

I can help you connect back to him, It’s easy. Just do a genuine heart check and confess your sins to him.

Tell him you're sorry for not regarding as a God who can be loved...

Then pray this..

Dear Lord, thank you for coming through for me. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I believe I'm free already from sin. Henceforth, I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

And I ask that you'll help me love you deeply from tonight.

In Jesus name I ask.   Amen!

COLLAPSE

Love for Self

We need to love ourselves. How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror and all that you see is an incomplete you. You feel there is something God gave someone else that wasn't given to you.

Sometimes you want affirmation and validation of who you are from your partner and from people. Do you still feel good about yourself the days you are not wearing a make up or on your best dress.

Self love is more than just saying you like yourself. It is accepting and loving yourself unconditionally including the days you didn't behave your best.

 

 

Excerpt:

We need to love ourselves. How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror and all that you see is an incomplete you. You feel there is something God gave someone else that wasn't given to you.

You feel so good when you are winning and when failure shows up, you call yourself all manner of names, you silent damage yourself with the words you say to yourself. Your relationship failed, you gave your best and your all and still feel like a failure because you feel you are not enough.

Sometimes you want affirmation and validation of who you are from your partner and from people. Do you still feel good about yourself the days you are not wearing a make up or on your best dress.

READ MORE

Self love is more than just saying you like yourself. It is accepting and loving yourself unconditionally including the days you didn't behave your best.

You want people to love you and make you happy. Its good but remember we were created by one same God and He has put that thirst in everyone.

Everyone is searching and looking for acceptance but how do you arrive at a point where you know you have to be your own biggest fan?

Sometimes you go out of your way for people even when it's hurting you. I'm not saying it's bad to sacrifice for people but you hurt and neglect yourself because you want to meet up and want their good opinion of you.

Let me tell you a truly life experience about me. As a child growing up. I hard it really rough. I never had a mum or dad's love. Mum and dad separated when I was barely two years.

I lived with people who made me feel I was useless and I'm a mistake. Then the struggle started.

Then I started feeling I can never be good enough. I found it difficult to fit in and accept myself for who I was.

They said words to me that got into me. I had to battle it even in my relationship. I usually feel I needed to sacrifice my all before I can be accepted.

I wanted someone to tell me am beautiful, I look good even the relationship I had I was still looking for approval.

Sometimes I become so depressed because I just feel I will never be good enough.

I didn't love myself and even when I ought to take care of myself, I would neglect me and take care of others because I feel it will make them accept me.

But I came to a point in my life that I realized my happiness lies in God and in me because the other party am expecting acceptance from is also human and whether I like it or not, they can never be for me 100%.

When you don't love yourself, you end up choking people around you because you will always want them to be who they can not be to you.

Firstly you must come to accept the fact that you deserve to be loved by you. You can never give out what you've not received.

If you have given yourself love, you will find it less of a burden to give it out to someone else and you won't be expecting them to feel a vacuum. You will see their love as an addition to what you already have.

The bible says love your neighbour as you love yourself meaning self love is the basis for loving someone else.

If you have not falling in love with yourself, it might be difficult for relationship with people to work out because you choke them with the responsibility of love.

You are a creature that was molded completely with nothing missing. If God knew you weren't enough, He wouldn't send you here. Your mission is different so is your uniqueness.

Don't you ever for once feel you are not complete. Most times the battle for self love doesn't start in a day. It is built over the years with words we hear, environment we find ourselves, the relationship we've hard etc. Meaning loving yourself starts from how you see yourself within.

But remember the bible talks about strongholds. Strongholds are not necessarily reminds but wrong belief system that has been built up in our minds.You need to start the realization of yourself worth from your mind.

Firstly know you are wonderfully made so the next time you feel you don't look good enough etc, let it stick in your head that you are wonderfully made.

When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, what comes to your mind? Oh God have added weight, am having pimples, I'm having dark circles, I'm not as handsome as that guy at work. Oops... Drop that king and queen. You are a perfect reflection of a complete work.

Say good things to yourself and don't expect people's approval. When you finish dressing in the morning, say good things about yourself because remember if you are expecting to go out and expect people to say you look good or you smell nice, well, what if nobody does or notices you because it's a busy world. Then you spend the whole day feeling like probably you don't look good enough or something is wrong about you. If you keep looking for people's approval, you will die of their rejection.

Don't you ever give people the power to determine how you feel about yourself because you will end up been depressed.

 

You sometimes feel someone's life is better than yours and you start the comparison. Well, let me announce to you that don't mistake journey for destination and also note that destinations are different.

For the men in this house, don't feel you are not man enough because you haven't gotten to where you want to be. Remember where you are was once where you prayed for.

Don't let the society preach to you what it means to be a man and end up getting another route that will make you arrive earlier than God's set time.

How do you feel when the following listed below happens?

Here are a few situations in which you
should keep awareness of :
When you wake up and look in the mirror
When you get scolded by your boss
When somebody is mean to you
When you are mean to someone
When you act on your anger
When you see a person in need but you
keep walking without helping them
When you put on weight
When you make a mistake at work
When you eat some unhealthy food
When you skip your work-out session
When you lie to somebody
When you make someone cry
When you feel lazy
When you rest

Are you still loving and caring towards yourself in all these moment?

How do you feel about yourself in your moment of strength and weakness?

What do you do when you love someone? Think of your parents, siblings, a lover or a best friend.

Do you get them gifts?

Do you take them out on a date?

Do you pay for them?

Do you spend quality time together?

Love is a feeling, and love is a verb. Love is just as much about feeling as it is about doing! So now is the time to do something loving for yourself. Think of all the things you enjoy, that bring you pleasure. And simply do them with yourself.

After all said and done , take deliberate steps into loving yourself. You also deserve all the love you've been trying to give out. Pay attention to yourself.

Do you know why you've not discovered beautiful things about you? It's because you've given yourself the same attention you've been given to someone else.


When you love yourself, loving others and people loving you becomes easier and you become happier.

 

COLLAPSE

Here are a few ideas how to start “doing” self-love:
Take yourself out for a nice dinner.
Paint (or do any other type of art that you enjoy and that allows you to express
creatively).
Write (you can write poems, a book, or a keep a daily journal).
Take photographs.
Visit museum.
Cook something healthy.
Drink a green smoothie.
Read your favourite book (and yes, it can be that love story you love).
Watch a romantic comedy.
Buy yourself a nice dress.
Get a manicure.
Go to SPA (massages are my favourite things for self-love!).
Go for a yoga class.
Dance (and you can perfectly go crazy in your house).
Listen to your favourite music.
Play with animals.
Stay in nature.
Go for a walk.
Do nothing (yep – just sit, or lie down and do absolutely nothing).


I can go on and on but not to bug you all
Here are my final words,
Take deliberate step into your mental and emotional freedom and its starts by accepting yourself for who you are.

Yes you will fail and fall at times but do remember you are strong being fashioned to survive and succeed.

Define what and who you allow in your life. Show them how you want to be treated and they will know how they should treat you because you have shown them you worth more and you enjoy your own self so they know you are no burden of love.

I want to appreciate everyone on this platform. Also remember to leave your past behind. You don't need it to survive so why include it in your daily budget and diet.

You deserve to be free. Release the pains, the Hurt and disappointment. Forgive yourself for those times you didn't know your worth. Forgive yourself for those time you disappointed yourself.

Enjoy the you in you. You are more than wanted, you are needed. You are not just a want but a need.

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