Managing Relationship Conflicts

1. Behaviors: we must understand that no two persons are the same in any way (even identical twins), it's almost impossible. (I choose to say almost because one can't always be 100% sure) but the main point here is that you can't expect your partner to behave the way you do or the way you want him/her to.

It's like asking for what can't be done. There must be differences in the behavioral pattern of each person. So if there's something it seems like one doesn't like in the other person, it's absolutely normal. Just be patient and talk it through, so long it's not an extreme behavior that threatens one's values (you might need to have redress if it is).

If it can be managed without hurting anyone and so long it can be worked upon to get better, please just be patient. Look inwards, are there not some ways you yourself act that you do not even like. Would you disown yourself? No? Just check the behavior for these; does it threaten your life? Then Beware!!! Otherwise, even if it's against your core values, you can still bend. After all, those your core values also might just be rooted in faulty foundations.

So, bottom line is if it's not life-threatening, come on....we are all not perfect, tolerate that person you say you love deeply.

2. Habit: These ones are a little bit deeper than the above. You must have consistently dedicated yourself to doing something for a long period of time for it to become a habit.

Sometimes your partner's prayer habit or religious pattern can even result in conflict if not well managed. So for this, you might want to think twice if your partner's habit is something you can't deal with.

If not, that conflict will last for a while and you will have to deal with it. However, If you are already married and your spouse has some habits that don't just go well with you, you must be patient and find ways to deal with it, cause you've made your decisions already.

(Bottom line is: either single or married, you can still deal with it if the person is worth it, and of course, if it's not life-threatening like I said under behavior). Sit down and discuss these things.

Don't be aggressive so as to get the desired result. Being aggressive in talking things through never provides lasting solutions

You must be able to get to the heart of the other person before he/she can change if there is a need for change, else pray to adjust in time. What we do most times is to try and speak to each other's heads, but that doesn't really go a long way.

When you speak to someone's heart, it hits them and they can speak to their heads themselves. That way, they make the decisions to stop themselves and that's what gives birth to a lasting change. In addition, study your partner and know how best to deal with them and how best to make them listen to you genuinely.

3. Ideas and Beliefs: Never make your partner's ideas or beliefs look ridiculous or stupid, it really gets to them. Remember you both have had different factors shape you all your lives. You can always seek to find a common ground in order to live in peace.
4. Religion: please don't bother getting involved with someone of a different religion with you. This might be quite controversial, but that's what I will say. To me, there's hardly peace if you practice a separate religion from your partner. You have to serve God together and best the same way. If you must marry someone of a different religion, let it be that you have both agreed to start practicing the same religion. That's how it should be. When you go to God together, the unity between you both is renewed and you have a high tendency to stay united.
5. Values: Do you share the same values? Watch out for this. If what you hate is what the person likes doing, watch out! There will be a problem. Be with someone you share common values with. And if you are already married to someone that doesn't have the same values as you, you just have to be patient, communicate your concerns, be understanding as well and pray for the person. Truth is valued could be refined.
6. Vision and Purpose: As regards this, you both must carry yourselves along. Do not leave the other person in the dark. Share your visions and purpose with them and let them see if they can fit in, as you fit into theirs as well. There must be an alignment, if not, there will be a problem. Your partner should be okay with what you do and vice versa. Vision and purpose are very key in our lives that you won't want to live with someone you can't align with on this level.

Can two work together except they agree??? Not possible!!!

This statement/question is the basis for everything we've been discussing.

Some of our conflicts will be major, while others will be minor but we need to understand that they all have the potential of teaching us how to love, encourage and support each other, thus becoming better versions of ourselves.

Now, we need to accept the reality of conflicts so as to be able to seek healthy ways of relating to one another.

Some of these healthy ways of relating to one another are listening and understanding the second parties' plight (yes people deserve your conscious effort at hearing them out).

Compromise is as well important, this means finding a common ground in that decision, your idea doesn’t have to be discarded, rather you can merge both ideas together to form an outstanding idea.

And lastly, occasionally you have to come off your high horse and allow your idea to be discredited, even when it is obviously the best. Sacrifice is the symbol of love. Ask Jesus what he had to do.

I pray God will help us all to have healthy relationships in Jesus' name.